Welcome to motherhood in the throes of a pandemic, Hailey McGruder, when nothing will go quite as planned.
Isaiah let her in on that little motherhood secret, showing up a month early — even before the coronavirus weighed in — before she had her shower gifts unpacked, a bassinet in place or the nursery arranged just so.
But then world events began to push their way into Nebraska — and Bryan Campus — and she learned the hospital would begin its no-visitor rule, the day before Isaiah left the neonatal intensive care unit.
Home she went with a husband and a 4.12-pound baby boy, figuring she'd prepare the long-term substitute to teach her English classes at Lincoln High School after spring break, while she hunkered down with a new baby until the end of the school year.
Then came a notice that Lincoln Public Schools would remain closed for the week after spring break, followed days later by the news that the district would remain closed indefinitely.
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And the whole new mother-baby plan began to morph into something new.
By that time — when other teachers had reported to school for the first three days of the week, McGruder was not officially on the clock but tuning in virtually as teachers and administrators began figuring out how this remote learning thing was going to work.
“It was right about then, I was, like, ‘I don’t think maternity leave is going to happen,’†said the English teacher in her fourth year at Lincoln High.
Her long-term sub had been on a trip to Guatemala, cut short, then followed by a two-week self-quarantine.
McGruder said she didn't want to take a job from the sub but felt just as bad about the idea of throwing her into a situation where she’d be asked to connect and develop a relationship — remotely — with students she’d never met.
Mostly, McGruder said, she just couldn’t imagine leaving her students at such an uncertain, scary time. Especially when she’d left them so unexpectedly before spring break, when the contractions began and didn’t let up.
“It just seemed like a terrible idea ... to just throw them to the wolves, to say 'Here’s this stranger,'†she said.
She talked to the LPS human resources folks, who told her she could return to work as long as she was cleared by her doctor. The doctor cleared her, and she assured her principal, who asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
She was sure.
“It just felt like the right thing to do by the kids,†she said. “I’m really glad I did, because the anxiety of not knowing if they were OK ... not knowing what kind of learning is happening†would have been too hard.
It became important to prioritize what was important for them to learn, to understand what they could do on their own, what kind of support they needed.
“I think you need your own teacher to support you,†she said.
Even if that teacher is also trying to accommodate the schedule of a tiny human who doesn’t plan his meals and naps around your Zoom office hours.
“The kids just want to do so well. There’s not a lot saying, ‘I’m just going to throw in the towel.’ They care about their education; they send emails asking if they did (assignments) right."
McGruder’s husband is working from home, too, but has to be at his computer all day. So she works around Isaiah’s schedule, muting Zoom meetings when she’s feeding or changing him.
She videotapes the weekly lessons on weekends. She thinks it helps for students to see teachers’ faces, so she takes the time.
“That’s been our priority — to create some sense of normalcy and routine for the kids because it’s really stressful for them.â€
It’s been tiring, she said, but her colleagues have been so supportive, and she's figuring out how to balance her students' needs with important time with her son.
She posted pictures of Isaiah for her students, and got a flood of congratulatory emails. Her mom had to postpone a trip to meet her grandson, but McGruder is grateful Isaiah came when he did — it would have been so much harder if he'd waited until last week.Â
"What was really such a blessing is we were out of the NICU before this got crazy," she said.